Created: March 26, 2023 5:11 AM Tags: Mind Dump, Planning Property: 1
I’m writing down a realization that came to me just now. It’s that I have been holding onto an unsaid truth that I’m inferior. It probably started during my early childhood when I realized I couldn’t speak English when other kids could. I have been using this as a chip on my shoulder to motivate myself to achieve things. But, achieving things doesn’t bring any comfort. Maybe it makes my wounds worse. Maybe because achieving things is not what I care about. It makes me a person who I don’t want to be. I care about being creative and free spirited. I find stories from Feynman’s books inspiring for this reason. The anecdote that Shannon was goofing off riding unicycle and making pointless machines appeals a great deal to me. My baggage is getting in the way of my aspiration to be a goofy and creative.
There’s a part of me that wants to take a megaphone and tell the whole world that Shekhar doesn’t give a damn about this achievement shit anymore. I’m going to go be an oddball.